MAAAAN!

My niece, Isabel was telling us jokes in the car today, and her brothers Isaiah (second grader) and Goru (third grader) were listening good naturedly while she told us her jokes. Here's one she shared with us (as best as I can remember):

ISABEL: There were these three guys and God told them that they couldn't step on the pink cloud or else they would end up married to somebody very ugly for the rest of there lives. So the first guy steps on the pink cloud and he ends up with a really ugly girl. Then, the next guy, Isaiah, steps on the pink cloud...
ISAIAH: Maaaaan! Not me!
ISABEL: Shut up, Isaiah. Isaiah steps on the...
ISAIAH: But I don't want to be the bad guy...!
ISABEL: Shut UP, Isaiah. He steps on...
ISAIAH: I wanna be the GOOD guy! Make GORU step on the PINK CLOUD!
GORU: Hehehe.
ISABEL: FINE! Now SHUT UP Isaiah! So, one day GORU stepped on the pink cloud and he ends up with an very ugly girl...
ISAIAH: HEEEHEEEHEEE!
GORU: Hehehe.
ISABEL: After a while, the first two guys noticed that ISAIAH ends up with a very pretty girl...
ISAIAH: HEEEHEEHEE!
ISABEL: So they ask God, "Hey, how come Isaiah gets to be with a PRETTY girl?
ISAIAH: HEEEHEEEHEEE!
ISABEL: And Gods says, "No, wait. You don't understand. The girl he's with...SHE stepped on the pink cloud."
ISAIAH: HEEHEE...What? So I'M the ugly guy?
ISABEL: YUP!
GORU: HAHAHAHA!
ISAIAH: MAAAAAN....!!!

Saturday, November 7, 2009

Good men and Evil

Oh, what a strange few days. I've been thinking about this quote that I've always liked. It's attributed to Edmund Burke and it goes "All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing."
Ain't that the truth? LOL.
Some knuckleheads are trying to bash the Rayphand name. Pfffbbbtt! It's ok though, they don't know any better. Politics... gotta love it... or not ;-). I think we're pretty humble people (for the most part), we come from humble backgrounds, and we know our roots. Most of us just want to do something good in life and sometimes, a few of us get thrown under the bus in another person's effort to find a scapegoat. Nothing new or unusual about that. Part of it makes me sad, and another part makes me happy. People are in search of justice - how awesome is that? Problem is, they're looking in all the wrong places and doing it an all the wrong ways... Oh, well.
So, like a dummy, I initially jump in to defend my name... my family's name. But the thing is, I really don't have to. I know what I am, and what my family stands for. I'm proud to be a Rayphand, with all that that entails. All the good, all the bad, and all the ugly. Life is pretty good where I'm sitting. I just wish people would find their "peaceful place" and live their lives. What's that saying? Live... and let live? Yeah, I gotta let them live. I think I'll be just fine ;-D.

MUCH LOVE, PEOPLE. ALWAYS ;-).

Elle

Sunday, November 1, 2009

WHAT'S Contagious?!

Hunter (my six year old): Daddy said I have the pink eye and so I'm sick.

Me: That's right, baby.

Hunter: But I'm not really sick I just have a pink EYE.

Me: Well, you can't go to school tomorrow. Pink Eye is contagious and if you go to school, the other students are gonna get it.

Kata (my three year old): Yeah, and you're gonna make THEM ugly too!

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Do I Believe in God?

Do I believe in God? The short answer is, "yes."
I believe in God, but I have my own version of who God is. I believe God is all good and not that judmental ball of fire some people believe Him to be. I mean, He did create us. Who, if not Him, would understand the extent of our limitations and be forgiving of them? I envision him as a gentle guide, there when we need Him, but reluctant to "meddle" in our lives otherwise - I imagine He is much like my mother, only with James Earl Jones' voice.
I believe God made us, but I don't believe He made us out of dirt. I believe He started it all - the Big Bang or whatever you want to call it, and I believe we did evolve over a gazillion years. I don't understand what the big to-do is over this "debate," I mean, we are STILL evolving now. Each generation is generally smarter, and more capable (physically, mentally, etc.) than the previous generations, so if you work backwards, it is conceivable that we came from thick-skulled, less agile ancestors. Makes sense to me.
I am skeptical of the Bible because people wrote it, and by that I mean "Traditional Men" who had the ability to write but whose perceptions were tainted by prejudices against women, homosexuals, etc. I don't believe God wants women to be subservient to men, just as I don't believe He intended men to be subservient to women. I certainly don't believe He had a thing against homosexuals, because he sure created a lot of them - both in the human species and the rest of the animal kingdom. Variety is good and I believe God is a master artist. I DO appreciate the Bible as an ATTEMPT at recording an unrecordable story, for after all, how can you write accurately about things you don't completely understand?
I believe in Heaven, I also believe in reincarnation. I believe Heaven is a resting place with Him, a transit station of sorts, if you will, but a peaceful spa-like one. I don't believe in Hell - at least not the traditional one which is a place of eternal inferno. I believe Hell is a state of being - we've all been there, right? - a place we often bring ourselves when we do not lead a life of "goodness" and love. The entrance to hell is a revolving door - walk yourself in, and walk yourself out... not as SIMPLE as that, but you get the gist.
And lastly, I don't believe "He" is a he. I don't believe "He" is a she either. "He" is asexual, but to call Him an "It" would be demeaning, and so I use the term "He" loosely... just because.
I could go on and on, but I won't. The point is, I might not necessarily believe what everybody else believes, but I DO believe in something bigger than life itself. I believe in goodness and in love. I don't see anything wrong with that... do you?
Love. Always.
Elle

Friday, September 25, 2009

What 8 Year Olds Talk About in the Lunchroom

Overheard this in the school cafeteria today. It was a conversation between two third grade boys and I'm still undecided as to what to think about the content. I was shocked to be sure, but at the same time, I couldn't help but want to laugh out loud. I didn't of course...

Boy 1: My mom says I can't have a girlfriend until I'm 18 or older.
Boy 2: Hey! You said we all have to have girlfriends when we're in the third grade!
Boy 1: And what? You have one?
Boy 2: Yup... but it's a boy.
Boy 1: HAH! LESBIAN!

They both had a good laugh and went about their business as usual. I couldn't figure out if they were joking or serious. They reminded me of my brothers when they tease each other and laugh about it. But to see it in such young boys threw me. It just shocks me every year when I get students that KNOW so much about things I never did at that age. Listen to me. I remember my elders saying the same thing to us when we were kids. "When I was your age..."
*Sigh* I'm getting old.

Thursday, September 24, 2009

"A Gentle Breath of Heaven"

"Every now and then,
When the world sits just right,
a gentle breath of Heaven
fills my soul with delight..."
~Hazelmarie ‘Mattie’ Elliott, A Breath of Heaven

This quote makes me think of:

that sudden sweet breeze right before the rain...

the secret smiles that lights up my babies' faces while they sleep...

the steam rising from a loaf of fresh baked bread...

that papery scent of unopened Christmas presents...

the sound of a frothy wave smoothing out the wrinkles in the sand...

and the way the setting sun paints everything golden honey before it sinks into its watery grave...

There have been so many beautiful moments in my life. I wonder, how many of these moments I have missed dwelling on sadness, anger, pain, and "what could have beens."

As time goes on, I become more aware (or, to be more accurate, I've been reminded) of my own mortality... much like that cool gust of wind before the rain, it fills me with hope... and sadness, simultaneously.

Hopeful - that my beliefs will be validated and that there really is more to come... an end perhaps to a desert-like existence (in comparison to what will be, anyway), and the beginning of a new life more akin to that snapshot in the back of our minds of that ideal existence we constantly compare our current life to.

Sadness, though, because at some point, I fell in love with this ugly-beautiful life I awkwardly and clumsily stumbled through. There were just enough "breaths of heaven" along the way to keep me going, and now that I'm actually at the pinnacle or plateau, I would love the time to just sit and enjoy the view for a little while longer.

Whether it is time for me to "descend into the valley" to welcome the rain will be determined relatively soon...

But for now, my soul is filled with:

the sounds of my children's laughter...

the happy memories with my family...

the companionship of my friends...

the love and trust of a good man...

and an opportunity in each new day - another chance to convince myself - that maybe, just maybe, my life may have been important for something... maybe even someone. Another chance to paint something golden...

Love. Always.

Elle

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

The Twins Are Here!

After 38 weeks, Carlos and Alisha are finally here!

Alisha (left) and Carlos (right)

Carlos (left) and Alisha (right) with sisters, Alexa and Liekeila'akata (in pink)

Welcome to the world, my angels.

Love Always,

Mommy

Saturday, August 15, 2009

Can't Sleep

I look at the clock on the laptop. It's 1:42 a.m.
Dangit, I can't sleep. A million things go through my head. I'm sad, I'm angry, I'm disgusted.
When does this end? Does it end? I'm tired of being afraid. Afraid that I'm going to get a call someday soon. "There was an accident. Alcohol was involved..."

It's a beverage. When was the last time someone drank a case of cokes in one sitting? Seriously? Half a case? A six pack? Three cans in less than twenty minutes? Granted, people go through their phases, I sure have. But, how many years has it been now? You don't understand why I'm angry? Why I'm sad? Why I'm disgusted? Seriously? You still don't get it? People actually care about you, people actually worry about you, watch you silently and observe.
I don't want them to think it's normal. I don't want them to be around it. It's too important to me that they learn from our mistakes now than for me to be sitting around 5 to 10 years from now at 1:42 a.m. only to finally get that dreaded call, only it won't be about you anymore...

"There was an accident. Alcohol was involved..."

Sunday, June 28, 2009

Why?

Why do we care about those who don't?
Why do we pray for those who won't?

Why have desire and not the means?
Why the pain (without end it seems)?

And why can't Evil just let us be?
Why have a God you cannot see?

Why have life when we're doomed to die?
Why aren't there answers when I ask why?

In The Blood

I stole this picture from my cousin (or is it auntie, Mariena?). It is a picture of my island, Lukunor (now called "Lekinioch"). The name of this place is Apiniwou (the southern most tip of our island). It's one of the nicest spots on our island. Brother Jim owns a piece of land here (I'm sooo jealous!) right next to the water and it is beautiful! I remember when we were younger, Jim once said that if he built a house there, he would add a swing on his porch and when you swing out, you can jump right into the water! I hope he does because I think that's just about the coolest thing in the world!
As you can see, the water is very clear and the ocean floor drops very quickly, so it is not unusual to see sharks or deep sea animals within a few feet from the shore. And no, that's not scary, it's beautiful - they don't bother you if you don't bother them. It is everybody's favorite place to picnic and swim. This particular part of the island holds many memories for me...

I can't tell you about the time I could have been arrested and tied to a pole for breaking a cultural restriction (that's what they told me would happen if I'd been caught), but I CAN tell you about the one time I ignored cultural superstitions and norms of a lesser caliber...

I was probably twelve years old at the time. I knew the rules, the cultural taboos, but when brother Ben came home with a pail brimming with fish, I couldn't contain my excitement! Thirteen years old and armed with a fishing pole, Ben had gone to the far end of our little island by himself and returned something more of a hero than he already was...with a pail full of proof that he was just as capable as any man of providing for his family. Our aunt was proud, to say the least, excitedly and loudly going on and on about Ben's accomplishments, and reprimanding the other boys who were just getting up. Everybody thought it was funny, especially because all the attention seemed to make Ben uncomfortable.

Adventure already swimming in my head, I asked him to tell me about it. He said it was no big deal, he just picked up his pole, walked to the end of the island before the sun rose, and tossed out his line, caught a bunch of fish and returned home. To him, it was just another day, to me, it was a freedom I never really had, but wanted badly. What was it like to open the door and walk out without having to ask permission or have to ask someone to go with you? What was it like to walk, unafraid and unchallenged in the cloak of darkness? What was it like to decide to do something, and then just do it without the fear of retribution or anger? I didn't know. I wanted to walk to the end of the island and cast a line! I wanted to experience the excitement of hooking a fish on the other end of the line!

I silently invoked my American-ness, telling myself that Ben (having just come back from the United States for summer vacation) would be more lenient with me. Afraid my aunt or anyone else would hear me, I asked Ben if I could come the next time he went. He nonchalantly agreed, but warned me I had to get up early and we had to get there before the sun came up or the fish wouldn't bite. I was beyond excited and vowed I wouldn't slow him down.

In the wee hours of the morning, Ben was knocking on my window, hurrying me. I had never been a morning person and groggily tried to get ready as quickly as possible. When we headed out, he was already complaining that we were already behind schedule. The end of the island really wasn't that far from our house, maybe a half a mile or so, if that, but in the darkness of predawn, my ankle length skirt and rubber flip flops were no match for the sharp rocks and the uneven sand. The sky lightened as I tried to keep up with my brother. I could see him ahead in the distance, pausing occasionally to look back to see where I was. I could tell he was torn between getting to the fishing spot in time and waiting for me. I wanted to call out to him that he shouldn't wait and that I'd get there when I got there, but he was too far ahead and my voice couldn't carry that far anyway. After rescuing my slipper several times from the hungry sand, we finally made it to the end, but the sun was already too high. My poor brother didn't catch anything that day.

When we got home, I was reminded why women (or any females) were not allowed to tag along with men especially when they were fishing - we were bad luck. My aunt shook her head at me and reminded me gently that that was not "our place." I apologized to my brother and of course he told me good-naturedly that it was no problem, but I never asked to go with him again. Needless to say, my brother was able to catch more fish when I wasn't with him! LOL. I still haven't given up on that adventure though. I think one day I will go back home and try again... this time, I will try to get up earlier and I will be the one doing the fishing ;-D. I just won't tell anybody about it...

Stubborn-ness and unwavering love of home... it's in the blood, I guess.

Always.

Elle

Saturday, June 13, 2009